Joke section

[VW1956]

Good one Rose.

[Dave Gittins]

A landlubber sees a badly overloaded boat in a marina. It has very little freeboard. Says he, "If the tide rises, that boat will sink!"

[pat toms]

2 peanuts went into a wood one was a salted.

[VW1956]

Why are men better than dogs. Because they only have two muddy feet to walk into the house.

[VW1956]

Two out of three women are as crazy as the other one.

[VW1956]

A golf club walks into a bar and orders a drink. The barman says "I'm not serving you, you'll be driving later".

[Andrew Clarkson]

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

10. A calendar's days are numbered.

11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

15. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of defeet.

21. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table as Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

27. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

34. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.

[VW1956]

Got caught this morning having a wee in the swimming pool. The lifegaurd shouted at me so loud I almost fell in.

[VW1956]

Japanese scientists have developed a camera with such a high shutter speed that it is now possible to photograph a woman with her mouth closed.

[VW1956]

A man in a hot air balloon is lost. He looks down and sees a farmer in a field and shouts down to him "Where am I?". The farmer looks up and shouts "You're in that basket up there".

[882 1/2]

We need to think of the ultimate joke. Something so funny it will make you die from laughter. Blonde jokes are funny

[Andrew Clarkson]

Japanese scientists have developed a camera with such a high shutter speed that it is now possible to photograph a woman with her mouth closed.

Ken, how can you take a photograph of something that clearly doesn't exist!

[Delfin]

Can i share these jokes on facebook? These jokes are really very funny and able to make anybody's laugh. I think if i share these jokes on facebook then my friends will be very glad. I want to make my friends laugh. Nice sharing lol.

[Matthew Dunderdale]

We need to think of the ultimate joke. Something so funny it will make you die from laughter. Blonde jokes are funny

monty python did that one... it was translated into german for use in world war 2 so the british couldn't understand it... the killer joke!!

[VW1956]

Hello Delfin. You share these jokes with whoever you want and spread some happiness. Ken.