Joke section

[VW1956]

A friend asked me if I spoke to my wife during sex. I said "Only if theres a phone handy".

[VW1956]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a drivers licence. He had to have an eye test. The optition showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z on it. The optition said "Can you read that"? The Polish guy says "Read it, I know the guy".

[Rose]

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

[Aly Jones]

CHEESE!!!

[Michael H. Standart]

My best friend ran off with my wife!

He used to be my worst enemy.

Until he ran off with my wife!

[Aly Jones]

What a beauty Michael.

[VW1956]

I have a little Satnav.
It sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a drivers friend.
It tells you where you are.

I have a little Satnav.
I've had it all my life.
It does more than the normal one.
My Satnav is my wife.

It gives me full instructions.
On exactly how to drive.
"I'ts thirty miles an hour" it says.
"And you're doing thirty five".

It tells me when to stop and start.
And when to use the brake.
And tells me that it's never ever.
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red.
And when it turns to green.
It seems to know insinctively.
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front.
It lists those to the rear.
And taking this into account.
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver.
Has so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car.
It still gives it's advice.

It fills me up with counselling.
Each journeys pretty fraught.
So why dont I exchange it.
And get a quieter sort.

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house.
Makes sure I'm properly fed.
It washes all my shirts and things.
And keeps me warm in bed.

[Dave Gittins]

I have a soft spot for my wife. It's among the mangroves on Torrens Island!

[North 52 West]

Willie Nelson was run over by a car today.....apperently he wa playing on the road again
Kaz

[Rose]

The Wizard Of Oz, two women fighting over a pair of shoes.

[VW1956]

Hello Rose. Your going to have to explain that one to me. Ken.

[North 52 West]

Hello Rose. Your going to have to explain that one to me. Ken.

Ruby slippers
Kaz

[Rose]

I guess it is a woman's thing Ken.

I have heard that reincarnation is making a comeback.

[VW1956]

I have heard that reincarnation is making a comeback.

Hello Rose. Now that one I get.

Ruby slippers??? Ken.

[VW1956]

Took the wife to a dance at the weekend. There was some guy on the dance floor really dancing well. The wife said "You know. That guy dancing proposed to me 25 years ago and I turned him down". I replied "It looks like his still celebrating".