Joke section

[VW1956]

Well if were doing picture jokes.

[Titanic_Malaysia]

A boy was very sad in his class…

The teacher asked the boy, “What is your problem?”

The boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is. I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

The teacher had enough. She took the boy to the principal’s office.

While the boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of the questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3 ?”

Boy: “9″.

Principal: “What is 6 x 6 ?”

Boy: “36″

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think he can go to the third-grade. ”

Teacher says to the principal, ” I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?”

The principal and the boy both agreed.

Teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of and that I have only two of?

Boy: After a moment, ” Legs.”

Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

Boy: ” Pockets ”

Teacher: ” What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish

liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Isko was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…

Boy: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some” Who am I ” sort of questions, Okay?

Boy: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first..

The principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Jack Daniel peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with a ‘ F ‘ and ends in ‘ K ‘ that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Teacher: What starts with a ‘ F ‘ and ends in ‘K ‘ and if you don’t get it, you have to use your hand.

Boy: Fork

Teacher: What is it that all men have one. It’s longer on some men, than others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?

Boy: SURNAME

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, and is responsible for making love ?

Boy: HEART

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Teacher:

“Send this Boy to Harvard University !! Even I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”

(From my Facebook page)

[VW1956]

My friend is a kleptimaniac. But it's all right as he's taking some thing for it.

[VW1956]

Hello.

[Andrew Clarkson]

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.'

[VW1956]

Hello Andrew. That was very clever ( and funny ). I will see how that goes in the staff art room today. Ken.

[VW1956]

Hello. God promised man there would be a loving and obediant woman in every corner of the Earth. Then he smiled and made it round.

[Aly Jones]

What a funny joke Ken, now we know why men are so aggro all the time. I'm placing the joke on Facebook.

[VW1956]

My mate set me up on a blind date.

He said " Shes a lovely girl but theres something you should know, shes expecting a baby ".

What an idiot I was waiting for her in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.

[VW1956]

Why do men pass more gas than women.

Because women cant shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

[VW1956]

Chap in a pub on a Saturday night had had a few. Notices two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so he asks "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland". One of them shouts "It's Wales you idiot". So the chap immediately apologizes and says "So sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ".

[Eric K. Longo]

LOL I am laughing at not 1 but 2 jokes on this page, but I ain't saying which

Eric

[VW1956]

A farmer was driving down the road shouting " The end is high, the end is nigh ". He must have been farmer geddon.

[VW1956]

I took two stuffed dogs to an auction house to get them valued. The auctioneer said " Oh, these are a very rare breed. Do you know what these would fetch if they were alive?" I replied " Sticks ".

[Aly Jones]

What a kicker Ken.